omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
