we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
