The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
