I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
