So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
