Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
