The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
