fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize