somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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