i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
