He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
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