Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
