Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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