farters have to be the big spoon...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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