I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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