Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Blow job season was short but glorious.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize