chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
