who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize