we have pet lesbian snakes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
