So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
