I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
