I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
