I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
