The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
