the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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