i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
