I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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