my phone needs a breathalizer
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
