since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
