She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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