I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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