The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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