its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
