Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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