I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
