I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
