do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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