next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
