Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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