I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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