dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
