it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
