She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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