I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
