Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
