It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
