so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
