take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Randomize
