I have demons in me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize