You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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