I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
