I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
