This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
