He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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