Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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