ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
