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• (703): View more from Virginia

  His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?

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• (510): View more from California

  You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying

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• (714): View more from California

  So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.

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• (562): View more from California

  My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?

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• (626): View more from California

  I reek of latex and grilled onions.

  (626): View more from California

  Mission accomplished.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.

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