HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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