last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
God I need to hump something, right now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
