Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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