so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
