ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
