It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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