nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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