I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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