we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
