I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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